


Hurts Like Hell

by Manga_Otaku121344



Series: BokuAka Works Inspired by Songs [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Graphic Description, M/M, Suicide Attempt, based off/inspired by a song, hurts like hell, lovely owls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 13:34:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6331216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manga_Otaku121344/pseuds/Manga_Otaku121344
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"How can I say this without breaking? How can I say this without taking over? How can I put it down into words when it's almost too much for my soul alone? I loved and I loved and I lost you. I loved and I loved and I lost you. I loved and I loved and I lost you and it hurts like hell."</p><p>Akaashi and Bokuto's have had their fair share of bumps in the road and they have made it through just fine. However, Akaashi doesn't think he'll be able to recover from this one.<br/>Based off/inspired by "Hurts Like Hell" by Fleurie</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurts Like Hell

** Hurts Like Hell **

 

Akaashi smiled as he looked down at his phone as it silently notified him of a new text message. He was in the middle of lecture and Bokuto knew that, mainly because he was sitting on the other side of the room, but yet he still sent texts. He was sure the professor was as old as the fossils he was teaching about and didn’t know that students, like Bokuto, were texting and not really paying attention. However, Akaashi was trying to get an education so he tried to resist the temptation. It was hard though every time Bokuto sent him a text he would turn around and stare at Akaashi to see if he was going to reply or not.

 

‘You look so awesome when you’re trying to focus’ the text from Bokuto read.

 

Akaashi rolled his eyes and replied, ‘then let me focus.’

 

‘Fine, fine. Don’t forget about tonight. I’ll meet you at the usual spot’ he received almost immediately after he sent his reply. Akaashi smiled softly and turned his attention back to the teacher. How could he forget about tonight? They were going on a date to celebrate their third year of dating.

 

They had met in high school in the volleyball club. Akaashi knew he had feelings for Bokuto at the middle of his first year, but the feelings confused him. He knew he had never felt an attraction towards females but was he really gay? He spent a year figuring everything out; he would spend months at a time agonizing about it or right out denying it. It wasn’t until he saw Bokuto being confessed to by a fellow classmate that he accepted his demon.

 

He joined an online chat group of people who were all in the same situation as him and all anonymous. With the help of his internet friends he built up the courage to tell his parents, expecting to receive nothing but full support. His hopes were quickly snuffed as his parents threatened to disown him and kick him out of the house. The next day he talked to them and told them he was just confused, that he didn’t know what he was talking about. They forgave his behavior and they never discussed the topic again. All of Akaashi’s self-confidence was buried under two tons of lead and his bad habit of fidgeting with his fingers returned tenfold. Bokuto noticed Akaashi’s change in personality but anytime he asked about it the subject would be brushed aside and then quickly changed.

 

The day of Bokuto’s graduation he was pulled aside by the now former ace. “I’m going to miss you Akaashi” Bokuto spoke quietly and stared at the diploma in his hands.

 

“I’ll miss you too, Bokuto-san” Akaashi said matching the volume of the other’s voice.

 

Bokuto shifted his weight before speaking again. “I…um…I…” he paused and closed his eyes before taking a deep breath. He quickly reopened his eyes and stared into Akaashi’s eyes intently. “Did you come out of an owl’s mouth? ...’cause you’re a hoot.”

 

Akaashi was stunned for a moment as he replied the line in his head. He covered his mouth with his hand as he started laughing.

 

Bokuto smiled widely. He loved seeing Akaashi smile, he hadn’t seen a real smile in so long, and now he was laughing too…it was a gift from God. “Akaashi, I really, really like you and I want to go out with you even though I’ve graduated…I really want to spend more time with you…Please be my boyfriend!” he said and anxiously waited for Akaashi’s response.

 

Akaashi couldn’t help but feel the happiness that swelled inside of him. He remembered when he first figured out he was attracted to Bokuto and when he felt so jealous anytime someone else was with him. His thoughts of his parent’s disapproval was pushed to the back of his mind as he finally responded. “Bokuto-san. I’ve was thinking about you owl night long.”

 

Bokuto adorned a face splitting grin and quickly hugged Akaashi. Later that night the two went to the park so they could talk privately. There Akaashi explained everything that happened and Bokuto listened intently.

 

“I don’t want your parents to be mad at you and I don’t want you to get hurt… so let’s keep it a secret, okay?” Bokuto said with a grinned. Akaashi smiled and nodded as tears flooded his vision.

 

Once Bokuto went off to college Akaashi had visited very weekend and they called each other at least once a day. Once graduation time came around Akaashi had only applied to one college but he was accepted and even with scholarships. It was the same college Bokuto was at and a good one hour distance away from home. They were going to even be on the same volleyball team again. Everything seemed so perfect in his life he couldn’t believe it. He was a sophomore with a 4.0 GPA, an absolutely wonderful (even if he was still a secret) boyfriend, and a bright future with Bokuto.

 

Bokuto had quickly made it clear he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Akaashi, but it was just how things were that same-sex marriage wasn’t legal in Japan. Bokuto then asked Akaashi to run away with him after they had finished school. They would go to the United States, they could get married and live peacefully and happily together. It would all work out if he continued to hide himself from his parents. Only two more years and they could be free.

 

The professor soon dismissed them and Bokuto waited for Akaashi by the door. They got lunch and ate together before Bokuto had to go to his job and Akaashi went to his apartment to study.

 

* * *

 

 

It was just past ten as Bokuto and Akaashi walked with each other down the busy, city street. Akaashi had been treated to dinner at his favorite restaurant before they sat in the park and enjoyed looking at the night sky. However, they did have classes the next day and needed to head back.

 

He heard it before he saw it, the squeal of tires against the asphalt. Everything after that was a blur. He remembered hearing Bokuto calling out his name before being shoved sending him falling several feet forward. Then he hears the sound of impact, a car against a brick wall just a few steps away from him, some small metal pieces flew out and scratched his face but he didn’t realize it. All he saw was Bokuto’s body crushed between the car and the side of a building.

 

He didn’t feel his legs move but he was by Bokuto’s side in an instant. He was slumped over the hood of the car, blood gushing from his torso and a wound on his head. Akaashi felt the tears run down his cheeks as his hands hovered above Bokuto wanting to do something, anything.

 

“Keiji” Bokuto groaned out and weakly looked up at the younger. He coughed and blood seeped out of his mouth.

 

“N-no, Bo- Koutarou… everything will be alright. E-everything…will…” he trailed off, his voice wavering too much.

 

Even in the amount of pain he was in Bokuto still managed a small smile. “I told you I wanted to be with you the rest of my life” he spoke softly and his tone was weak, everything that was the opposite of his normal personality. Akaashi shook his head but Bokuto continued. “I just didn’t expect it to be this soon.” He coughed again sending more blood out of his mouth and his breathing became shallow and strained. “I love you and I’m…sorry…” The brilliant gold eyes that Akaashi adored stared at him now void and lifeless. He went numb.

 

The funeral was held a week later. He stands in the back so no one has to see the state he is in; he probably didn’t look too far from death. He saw Kuroo there, towards the front; Kenma sat next beside him. At the end of the service Kuroo was one of the pallbearers. Akaashi’s heart ached.

 

Akaashi didn’t stay any longer, he was the first one to leave, and he quickly fled to his apartment; turning out all lights and pulling the curtains closed once he got there, just sitting in the darkness that mirrored his insides.

 

The minutes he sat in darkness turned into hours which turned into days and finally turned into a week. He didn’t go to class and he quit the volleyball team, both things were too hard to do without Bokuto there. He only sat in darkness and ate stale cereal, he wasn’t hungry but his hands needed to do something. It was probably best that he ate the dry cereal since that was all he was eating it at least kept him alive.

 

He grew pale and thin as the week turned into two and then three. Anything was too hard to do without him here. It was just too hard to live… Akaashi rose from his bed and numbly made his way to the bathroom. ‘It’s just too hard to live without him here’ he thought as he pulled back the mirror to open the medicine cabinet. ‘Then don’t live.’

 

* * *

 

 

Kenma fidgeted as he looked up at Kuroo. “Akaashi hasn’t been answering my texts.”

 

Kuroo raised an eyebrow. “Maybe he’s studying or perhaps he’s sleeping.”

 

He frowned. “He hasn’t answered them since….” He trailed off since they both knew what he was referring to.

 

Kuroo sighed. “He just needs time to grieve, we all need time to grieve. It’ll be fi-” he was cut off by Kenma gripping onto his shirt. “You have a bad feeling about it don’t you?” he asked quietly and received a nod. Kuroo nodded and stood, he never questioned when Kenma had bad feelings because 99% of the time….they were right.

 

The two headed over to Akaashi’s apartment. Kenma held onto Kuroo’s shirt the entire time, his worry for his friend only grew. Kuroo knocked on the door and waited but there was no answer. “Maybe he’s not home” he said with a shrug but Kenma’s grip tightened on his friend’s shirt.

 

“No, he’s home…I know he is” he whispered quietly. Kuroo sighed and carefully pried Kenma’s hand off of his shirt and moved him safely away before he proceeded to kick down the door. Once the door was gone Kenma surged into the apartment. Kuroo blinked at the darkness and turned on the hall light. “Akaashi” he called as he headed into the home.

 

“K-Kuroo” Kenma’s voice was full of panic and fear causing the one being called to quickly rush to his side. Kenma was paralyzed as he stared down at Akaashi’s body on the kitchen floor.

 

“Oh my God” Kuroo breathed as he noticed the empty bottles of medication that laid around him.

 

“Kuroo!” Kenma shouted in panic as Akaashi began to convulse.

 

“A-ah, he’s having a seizure! Kenma, prop his head up” he instructed finally pulling the smaller out of paralyzed state. He knelt beside Akaashi and carefully moved his head into his lap.

 

“Akaashi! Akaashi can you hear us?! Akaashi! Wake up, Akaashi!” Kuroo’s voice was frantic but his movements were careful as he moved him onto his side in case he began to vomit. “Make sure his airway isn’t blocked. I’ll call an ambulance.” Kenma nodded and Kuroo pulled out his cellphone and quickly dialing 911.

 

* * *

 

 

There was bright, white lights burning his eyes and everything hurt. Is this death? Is this hell? He slowly became aware of what was around him. He was laying on something soft but not comfortable. A distant beeping could be hear in the background. He began to gain control of himself and he slowly opened his eyes to find the blinding light was nothing more than the light in the ceiling.

 

Akaashi groaned and slowly sat up. He looked around him. He was in a hospital room…but why?

 

“You’re finally awake” Kuroo spoke from his chair in the corner. The dots connected and Akaashi realized why he was here. They found him and ‘saved’ him.

 

“They had to pump your stomach and do hemodialysis. Let’s see…what was all on the list? Tylenol, Advil, Benadryl, Ibuprofen?” Kuroo asked sourly and he ticked each one off on his fingers. “Why? Why did you do this, Akaashi?”

 

“Life isn’t worth living if he’s not here” he said and stared at the IV stuck in his hand. “He…I loved him” he choked out as tears rolled down his cheeks. Kuroo’s eyes widened but let him continue. “We…we had been together secretly for three years… My parents rejected me when I told them I liked men so I had to keep it a secret. We…we were going to run away together… right after graduation… We were going to go to America to get married” he buried his face in his hands.

 

Kuroo was shocked to be hearing about this now. He was a bit upset that Bokuto hadn’t told him but he knew that he was head over heels in love with Akaashi and he would do anything Akaashi asked him too, including not telling anyone about their relationship. He sighed softly and got up out of the chair. He walked over to Akaashi’s bedside and wrapped his arms around the thin frame.

 

“It’s okay. Everything will be okay. We’ll get you help” he said and patted Akaashi’s frail arm.

 

Apparently Akaashi wasn’t as frail as Kuroo thought because he next found himself being shoved away. “I don’t want help!” Akaashi snapped and glared holes into Kuroo. “I want Bokuto…”

 

“You don’t think I miss him too?!” Kuroo shouted. “He was like a brother to me and know he’s gone! You’re being selfish! Don’t sit here and have a pity-party when there are other people grieving just as much as you are! What do you think his parents are going through?! Can you imagine carrying your best friend’s body, stuffed inside a wooden box, to be buried when this time a month ago you were roughhousing and breaking the lamp your mom gave you as a gift? And…and you go a pull a stunt like that! Kenma is absolutely traumatized because he found you like that! You think we could handle losing both of our closest friends?” Kuroo’s voice calmed and tears ran down his cheeks. “I was so scared, Akaashi. I couldn’t take losing you too.”

 

“It was my fault he died” Akaashi finally spoke after a long silence. “He pushed me out of the way of the car…he sacrificed his life for mine. If I had been watching…or if I hadn’t even loved him in the first place! He’d still be alive…He’d still be here” he bit his bottom lip and gripped onto the bedsheets. He cried until he couldn’t cry anymore. “Everyone thought I was holding him together….when it was really him holding me together.”

 

“It’s not your fault, Akaashi” Kuroo said quietly as he watched the boy bite his lip till it bled.

 

“Humpty dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty dumpty had a great fall. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men, couldn’t put humpty together again.” Akaashi stared at his lap he recited the familiar children’s rhyme.

 

“W-wha-” Kuroo began to ask but he was cut off.

 

“Bokuto Koutarou was smashed into a wall. Akaashi Keiji couldn’t handle it all. All of Kuroo’s smiles and all of Kenma’s grins, couldn’t make Keiji happy again” He paused and looked up at Kuroo with an unsettling smile, “...and it hurts like hell.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fourth part of my series, please check the others out too c:
> 
> Please leave kudos or a comment. All feedback is greatly appreciated!  
> Thank you for reading!!!
> 
> P.S. I'm sorry TT_TT  
> P.S.S. .....not really.


End file.
